


The Christmas Commander

by imaginary_witness



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Christmas, Christmas2018, Complete, Eruri Break Up, Eruri Family Drama, Eruri Secret Santa, Family Drama, Holiday2018, Holidays, Levi/Erwin Smith Fluff, M/M, Parents Levi & Erwin Smith, chapters, eruri - Freeform, eruri family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-24 16:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginary_witness/pseuds/imaginary_witness
Summary: Erwin has always been a hard worker, but his workaholic tendencies causes a breaking point in his marriage with Levi when he misses their son's birthday party as a result of his obsession to get noticed for a future promotion. Will their relationship be able to survive their separation, or will Erwin be forced to learn to spend the holidays - and his future - alone? (Holiday)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Eruri  
> Ratings: M  
> Warnings: N/A  
> Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
> 
> Author's Notes: Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all my readers. Happy Birthday to Levi, as well.

**Chapter 1: November 4th**

Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman had a very happy relationship. They had met nine years ago when Levi - then a senior student in his final year of dental college - had rushed onto the train car in a futile attempt to make it to his class on time, when he had collided with a junior and recently hired businessman who was rushing off the train. The incident had resulted in the blonde businessman's paper to-go coffee cup becoming crushed between the two of them, causing the lukewarm liquid to go soaring up and then back down onto the darker man's head. An awkward exchange of apologies and mild-agitation that followed led Levi to rushing into the train as the doors were closing and the blonde businessman standing on the platform, watching the smaller man be sped away once the doors were closed. He stared at the crushed paper cup in his hand, watching the warm liquid drip down his fingers, and was left wondering if he had ever seen such an eccentric, short man before.

At work, Erwin had been distracted by thoughts of the smaller man, rushing off in a pair of scrubs to who-knew-where. He was caught lost in thought in front of his computer by his longtime friend and colleague, Mike, who encouraged him to seek the man out and make amends with him. Each day afterwards, Erwin took careful attention on the train to see if he could catch the younger man getting on, and it wasn't until the exact day one week later that he saw him rushing onto the train car further down then the one he himself was on. But the week after, when Erwin had bought two coffees and intended to catch the dark haired stranger, the short man was nowhere to be found.

Unknown to Erwin at the time, Levi's university terms were changing over, so he no longer needer to ride the train to his campus at that time. Discouraged, Erwin threw himself into his work. He was convinced that he had felt a spark of something when he had spoken to the man - although briefly - and he was crushed that he wouldn't be able to speak to him again. September came and went, October followed, and in November Erwin applied for a higher position in the company. He was given the promotion at the company holiday party and in the New Year he moved from his shabby one-bedroom apartment closer to his workplace to an upscale building where he could rent a two-bedroom apartment so he would have space for a home office. Since the move cost him most of his savings, he continued taking the train. Each day he still remembered the short dark-haired man, wondering if he would ever see him rushing onto the train to get to the hospital or the care home, where he assumed he worked as a nurse.

It wasn't until one day in March, when Erwin had been sipping at his soy cappechino on the train, that he had spotted a familiar scene: a businessman racing out of the train colliding with a panicked looking short man in scrubs. Both men's papers and binders went flying out of their hands, landing in a pile around them. As the shorter man began to pick up their things and stammer apologies, the businessman looked down on him and began to shout at him, telling him to watch where he was going and to stop acting like a hooligan. Erwin's smile quickly became a firm line of disapproval and he headed over to tell the man exactly who was acting like a hooligan. He helped the shorter man gather his belongings and then got back onto the train with him, despite this being his own stop. He found out the smaller man's name was Levi, that he was a future graduate of the dental college three stops over, and that he was in a rush to morning classes because he worked nights to cover his tuition bills. In return, Erwin introduced himself a a recent graduate, newly hired and promoted in his dream career of business, and unable to forget the day that he spilt his coffee all of Levi. He explained that he wanted to make it up to him by taking him to dinner one night that week, which Levi surprisingly agreed to.

Erwin arrived to work late for the first time in his career that day, but the grin on his face informed all his colleagues that he had finally found the dark haired man he was pining over for the last season. He was excused since he was able to take the work home with him and have it done without delay. On Friday of that week, the pair had met at a local bar that Mike had advised Erwin take Levi to. Erwin learned more about Levi; why he wanted to be a dental assistant, what he wanted out of life, where he wanted to travel to, and what his hobbies where. In return, Erwin tried to offer as many answers about himself as possible and at the end of the night they made plans to meet again.

By the end of their second date, the pair had obviously begun to trust each other enough to lean in towards each other, laugh louder without care that others would hear them, and talk about their friends, family, and colleagues without any hesitation. Their third date was at the movies and at their fourth date, Erwin scared Levi when he told him he wouldn't be seeing him anymore. He paused for dramatic effect before adding, "on the train, I mean," explaining that he finally bought a car. Their fifth date was at Erwin's apartment and marked the first time they slept together, with Levi staying overnight and then having to rush to school the next day. They had such a good time in the privacy of Erwin's apartment that they repeated it for the second date, but on a Friday evening so that they wouldn't have to rush anywhere in the morning. They had been dating for two months by then, and Erwin was sure as he stroked Levi's cheek the next morning in bed that he was head over heels in love with Levi Ackerman.

At the end of May, Levi graduated from the dental college and by July had found work at a small dental firm near Erwin's favourite coffee shop. They spent the summer enjoying their days off together at the beach and planning for their futures; Levi confessed he was saving up to move out of the apartment he was sharing with his friends Furlan and Isabella, and Erwin confessed that he was saving up to take them on a trip to Europe. In September, as the leaves began to change colours and the colder winds began to blow in, Erwin decided to surprise Levi with the fact that he had saved up enough to put a downpayment on a townhouse. "For us," He had told him, going on to ask Levi to consider moving in with him. Levi - surprised and overjoyed - had instantly agreed.

Two years of happiness and hard work later led Erwin and Levi to discussing what they really wanted in life. They had travelled to Europe twice, visited parts of Asia, several islands, and had taken a cruise up to see the glaciers of the arctic. Their friends had all begun to get married and Mike even was talking about having kids with his fiancee, Nanaba. Isabella had become pregnant with her boyfriend and suffered a miscarriage once, and the entire ordeal had Levi in a panicked state that he would either lose his sister or judge too quickly on if he wanted a family himself or not. Erwin surprised him for New Years by proposing to him in front of all of their friends and family, and in April they had gotten married. They spent their honeymoon in Paris, Levi's favourite city in Europe, and then they had come home.

Erwin surprised Levi two months later, bringing home a pamphlet on surrogacy and discussing the pros and cons of their own biological offspring in comparison to adoption. In the end, they had decided to go with adoption, taking in three infants over the course of three years. Their eldest, Eren, had turned out to a hot-blooded, just young man, who adored his fathers, enjoyed to play sports, and helped out around the house. When Eren turned one year old, they sold their beloved little townhouse in the city centre for a modest family home just on the edge of the major city intersections, and adopted their middle child, Mikasa. She was a strong girl who idolized her older brother and had gotten into sports at a young age as well. She favoured gymnastics and swimming, and helped Levi out with any task that related to cooking or baking. After some discussion, Levi and Erwin agreed to adopt their youngest child when Mikasa turned one year old as well. Armin turned out to be the shyest of their children. While he was intelligent, Armin was easy to have his feelings hurt and still went around with his comfort item, a now-pale yellow blanket that he often would drag around the house in one hand. He had grown close to his sister since they had attended the same daycare while Levi went to work at the dental office until noon. Once he was off work, Levi would pick up his kids from the daycare and Eren from kindergarten and take them home for lunch. He'd have Eren finish his small amount of homework - mainly reading books and learning to count - then he would have the kids help him cook dinner, clean up, and get ready for bed. Erwin's main job with the kids - since he was at his business all day - was to tuck them in and spend time with them before bed.

On the weekend and holidays, Erwin would spend more time with his family, travelling and taking them to places where they could relax and have a good time making memories without worrying about work. He had never missed one of Eren's ballgames or Mikasa's gymnastic performances, never forgetting his and Levi's anniversary or anyone in his family's birthday. They had a wonderful family, with beautiful moments and happy memories. Until recently.

Having gotten two more promotions since they had moved in together, Erwin was now a respected employee with his business firm, having achieved a high post and trusted with the higher up clients. His work had started to take a priority over his family and he had slowly started to become absent from the dinner table most nights of the week. Levi had at first insisted that the kids wait for their father to come home before eating dinner, but as the hours went by and Erwin still wasn't home, he had begun to simply accept that Erwin wouldn't make it home in time to eat with his family anymore. Determined not to let his children see him cry, Levi put on a brave face, asked them about school and their sports classes, cut up Armin's meat for him, and then sent them up to the bathroom to clean up before he would allow himself to open a bottle of wine and let his tears fall into the kitchen sink as he did the dishes.

For the first time in their marriage, summer had come and gone and they hadn't taken a vacation. Money wasn't tight, their bills were paid on time, and yet Erwin hadn't taken any time off work to book them any flights or even a road trip. In an attempt to make it up to the children, Levi took them to the city zoo, aquarium, science world, carnival, drive-in movie night, and beaches. Each week they would do something together that would often leave him watching them play together in happiness. Twice men had approached him, first greeting him and asking about his children, and then slipping in a flirtatious question or compliment. Levi was startled when the second man - a handsome blonde close to his own age than Erwin's - had actually managed to flatter him. Afraid he would do something he was going to regret, he cut the beach trip short and took his children for ice cream instead. Erwin hadn't come home until later that night and Levi had cried himself to sleep in bed, wondering if he was stupid for completing sleeping with the handsome blonde stranger or if he was crazy for passing up the opportunity.

September came and went, the kids returned to school - Eren in the first grade and Mikasa starting kindergarten - and still Erwin had continued coming home late. Unable to stand the workaholic his husband had become, Levi had began to argue with him, staying up late into the night to wait for him to come home before beginning to tear into him in angry whispers so their kids wouldn't hear them. Passionate affection was soon replaced with passive-aggressiveness and patience had been replaced with anxiety-fuelled commands. Flirtatious compliments were now replaced with snide remarks about suspected cheating on both sides and the kids found themselves spending less and less time with their fathers.

It was a grey day in November when Levi had taken his three children and Eren's friend Jean to the local kid's play house. He had rented a large room for Armin's fourth birthday and had invited his preschool classmates to come. While their marriage had been rocky recently, up until this point, Erwin hadn't forgotten any major milestone to be celebrated. While their family vacations, sporting events, and dinners together had taken a backseat to his career, Erwin had still come home to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays with his loved ones. A turnout of twenty-six children, fourteen parents, and two instructors from the preschool had turned out, along with Armin's godfather, Mike, and Levi's friends Furlan and Isabella. But even after the pizza had been served and the cake was cut, Erwin hadn't showed up. Levi called and called, sending him text messages and photos every ten minutes, but Erwin didn't even reply.

Disheartened, Levi tried to keep himself composed in front of his children but had no answer when any of them looked up at him with large, round eyes and asked him, "Where's daddy?"

Levi was glad when they had all fallen asleep as he buckled them into their car seats at the back of his small Toyota Yaris that Erwin had purchased for him as an anniversary gift the year they had adopted Eren. Furlan had helped him take the kids to his car, with Isabella and her husband helping him put all the gifts into the trunk. He was glad that many of the parents had gotten him gift cards to the local bookstore, since Armin was constantly running out of material to read and it made it easier to pack most of the gifts up.

"You really haven't heard from him at all?" Furlan asked, surprised that Erwin hadn't arrived.

"No." Levi replied, shutting the backseat door on his three sleeping angels. "I haven't even gotten a text back."

"Maybe you should call the hospitals? He could have been in an accident?" Isabella suggested.

"God, I hope not!" Levi replied, "I'd just feel terrible."

"Well, he hasn't missed a birthday or holiday since. He might not be around as much, Levi, but he wouldn't forget his family." Furlan reassured him.

"Call us when you guys get home." Isabella told him, "We'll be waiting to hear you got in safe."

Levi nodded and got into his car. He drove home slowly with the radio off and his phone on vibrate in his pocket. He stayed in the right hand lane so he could pull over and answer if Erwin called him. But Erwin never called.

The blonde wasn't home when Levi had arrived with the children. Levi took them up to bed one at a time, then unloaded all the gifts from his trunk into the family room. It was approaching night now and Erwin hadn't so much as called. Beginning to worry that Isabella was right, Levi began to call all the hospitals within fifty miles, asking if his husband had been brought in for any reason. When he couldn't locate him at any of the hospitals, he called Mike, asking him if he was able to contact Erwin. He called his office and his call went straight to voicemail. Discouraged, Levi called the police station to ask if Erwin had been in any altercations or was being held there, but was informed that no man matching his description had been brought in all night. Levi turned his phone ringer up as high as it could go, brought a blanket with him to the couch, and lay in the front room, curling up on the couch to wait for Erwin to arrive home or contact him.

The front door unlocking at quarter after eleven at night caused Levi to wake up. His sore eyes opened and he sat up, checking the time on his phone before turning to see Erwin coming in the door. He turned on the lamp beside the couch, catching Erwin's attention, then stood up and crossed his arms across his chest, saying nothing as he glared at the man.

Erwin bit his lower lip, knowing he was in trouble, but clearly didn't seem to understand why. He looked at Levi, then put his briefcase down and loosened his tie. "Levi-" he began.

"Don't!" Levi hissed at him, careful to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake up the kids. "How could you?!" He asked, his voice wavering from the stress of his raw emotions. "You forgot your own son's birthday, Erwin!"

Realization began to appear in Erwin's eyes and he straightened up, disbelief and remorse on his face. "Oh, god! Armin's party! That was this week? Tonight?! Oh god, I thought that was next week! Levi - I'm so sorry!" He began.

"Do you know what it feels like when your four year old son asks you where daddy is and you have absolutely no idea?" He asked, continuing to grill Erwin with things he knew would hurt the blonde.

Erwin's face fell and he grew defensive. "I was at work." He began, already anticipating that Levi would roll his eyes and deflect the excuse with a snide comment that implied he was cheating on him.

"And work was more important than your son's birthday?!" Levi asked, skipping the cheating accusations since he had more vital ammo right now. "His fourth birthday party, Erwin! You didn't even call him! You didn't even answer your phone! I left you messages, I texted you, I called around every hospital because I was worried sick that you were in some kind of accident and couldn't get to your phone!"

"I was working!" Erwin shouted, trying to be heard over Levi. "I was working to get the promotion! You know that, Levi! I was at work!"

"You couldn't even answer your phone?! Couldn't send me a message that you were alright? So that I knew you were okay? That you weren't dead in the corner somewhere?!"

"If you were worried, that's your problem! I had work to do, Levi! I have to prove that I can handle everything so I can get this promotion!"

"You're always working! Promotion this, promotion that! When are you ever working for your _family_ , Erwin?!"

"I _am_ working for my family, Levi! I'm working to get the promotion so I can provide for my family!"

"Are you guys fighting?" A sleepy voice broke through their argument and stole their attention from each other. They both hadn't realized how loud they had gotten until Eren had interrupted them, standing on the landing of the stairs and rubbing his eyes. His short brown hair stood up in the middle, indicating that he had been tossing around for some time before coming down to interrupt them.

"Oh, Eren," Levi turned to his son, "Did we wake you up? I'm so sorry." He headed over to him and picked him up, taking his young son in his arms, "Come on," He kissed the top of his head, "Let's get you back to bed. I'm sorry we woke you up." He scooped Eren up into his arms and cradled his head against his shoulder so the boy wouldn't see him shoot Erwin a dirty glare and raise his middle finger at him.

"You can sleep on the couch." He told Erwin, then headed upstairs with Eren. He put his son to rest, then headed to his own bedroom. He stayed awake for a long time, trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, before he cried himself to sleep again. He wanted to give his children a proper childhood, without letting them worry about where their next meal was going to come from or if their family was going to hurt them - the way his childhood had been. But with Erwin's continued absence straining them as a family, he wasn't sure if having Erwin in the picture for much longer was going to do more harm than help at the moment. The blonde didn't seem to understand that he was hurting all of them by being absent, by being consumed with work, and he was tired of staying up late at night to try to reason with him only to drag himself into work the next day and then come home and fill the role of a single father to his children, despite having a husband that was never home.

Levi woke up the next morning before his children would rise, coming downstairs to find Erwin brewing coffee and packing his briefcase. He looked fresh, as though he had showered and come into the bedroom to change his suit, but the dark circles under his eyes showed that he had been up all night. The fact that he was rummaging around in his briefcase indicated that he was packing up, so Levi assumed that the reason he was up all night was because he was most likely working rather than actually worrying about his family.

"Erwin," Levi greeted him in a tired voice.

Erwin looked up at Levi and one corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. "Levi-" he began, but Levi rushed to cut him off.

"Erwin, I can't do this anymore." Levi stated, "I'm tired. I'm so tired of being a single father to our kids. You're never here anymore."

Erwin paused, not sure where Levi was heading with what he was saying. He was surprised that Levi was saying it at all. "What- what do you mean, 'single father?'" He asked.

"You're never _here_ , Erwin!" Levi repeated, then bit his lower lip, his eyes scrunching up as they filled with tears. "God, I told myself I would do this without yelling. I don't want to wake them again." He mumbled, "Look, Erwin. I think it's best if we spent some time apart, okay? I… I don't think it's working out. You want your promotion at work and I want to focus on the family. We're not on the same page anymore and I just think that… it's hurting us as a family more than it's helping us if we keep trying to stay together when we're so obviously falling apart."

Erwin stared at Levi with his mouth hung open for a moment. He hadn't expected that Levi would come down and announce to end their entire relationship because he missed one birthday party. His eyes travelled down to the floor and he found himself nodding. He was hurting his family by coming home late, never seeing his children, and leaving them all in a confused state on how he was connected to them. He realized that he hadn't spent that much time with his children as he used to, unable to recall what they did as a family in summer or if Eren had grown any taller. He looked up at Levi and nodded once. "What d'you-" He cleared his throat, having been reaching for the coffee pot and recalling the day he had first met Levi, spilling his lukewarm coffee all over him as he rushed onto the train to get to his class at university. "What d'you propose we do then, Levi?" He asked.

"You need to go." Levi replied, speaking with pain in his voice.

"Do you… you don't want a divorce, do you?" Erwin asked, unable to think clearly around the buzzing in his head. He wasn't sure how he would react if Levi would say yes.

"Not yet." Levi replied, "But we'll see how it goes. I don't want to hurt the kids."

Erwin nodded. It was just like Levi to put the kids first and himself second, even if it meant that he wouldn't get what he wanted - which, in this case, looked like a divorce. "Alright then." He replied, "I'll just… I go pack some of my stuff then." Erwin replied, trying to find a way to think. He felt as though a sudden earthquake had hit and left him feeling disoriented.

Levi began to make himself some breakfast as Erwin left the kitchen. He tried his hardest not to break down but several tears managed to betray him and slip down his cheeks. He hastily wiped these away when he heard footsteps on the stairs again, implying that Erwin was done packing and was coming back down.

"Levi," Erwin said his name, breaking him from his thoughts. "I have to ask you one thing and I need you to tell me the truth, okay?"

Levi turned to face Erwin from behind the kitchen island. He nodded twice, his expression solemn.

"Is there someone else?" Erwin asked him, his voice catching on the last word.

"Not yet." Levi replied, the same answer to Erwin's question on getting a divorce. His voice was oddly quiet, almost hesitant - as if he was afraid of the truthfulness of his answer.

"Not yet," Erwin repeated, turning away from Levi so he could process his emotions without Levi watching him. "Because he doesn't want to hurt the kids." He mumbled, connecting the answers in his mind. There was no one else in the picture yet, but from what it looked like -what it felt like - Levi wanted someone to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ratings: M  
> Warnings: N/A  
> Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
> 
> Author's Note: Apologies to readers from 2018-12/21. The story is now complete. I hope all readers enjoy it and have a safe and happy holiday!!!

**Chapter 2:**

The Saturday that Erwin had left was hard on Levi and the kids. Levi tried to keep things together for them, playing with Armin and Mikasa as Eren busied himself with his readings for class. The small boy was busy trying to amp up his performance ability to win the lead role in the upcoming class play, and Levi was grateful that he was so independent. They played on the living room floor on a large fluffy comforter, Levi being careful his kids didn't get too close to the hot glass of the gas fireplace. He made them sandwiches in the shapes of dinosaurs, stars, and flowers for lunch, then had them all take a nap until the afternoon.

He was able to keep them busy until dinner time, letting them watch some TV since it was the weekend and then allowing them to play in their small, fenced backyard while he cooked dinner. It was when they had all sat down to eat together that the awkward moment of telling them Erwin had left descended on them. The table was silent and tense, as if they had all expected bad news. Levi tried to read the emotions on his kids faces, but they were hard to understand. Mikasa was unusually quiet and Eren seemed angry about something that didn't seem to be from any disagreement that him and Mikasa just had. It wasn't until Armin had asked Levi once more where daddy was that Levi decided it was only fair to tell them the truth.

"Daddy and I had a disagreement." He began, putting down his glass of grape juice. "And we decided that it would be best if daddy stayed away from home for a little bit."

Mikasa finally let the silent tears she was holding back slide down her face and Armin began to cry.

"Why?" He shrieked, "Was it because of me?!" He asked, "Was it because of my party?!"

Levi scooped Armin out of his chair and sat him on his lap, beginning to bounce the small child on his knee. "No! No, baby, no. It wasn't because of you." He comforted him, kissing his temple, then turned to Mikasa, "Baby, darling girl, please don't cry."

"Is it because he's working so much?" Eren asked, surprisingly insightful about the whole situation.

"Yes, honey." Levi agreed, nodding at Eren and then looking around at all his kids. "It's because daddy's been working too much and it's meant he's been… distracted from his family."

"What's dis-twac-ted mean?" Armin asked, rubbing his left eye and leaning against Levi so he could turn and face his siblings.

"It means that daddy's been having a hard time paying attention to us as a family because he's always thinking about work." Levi explained, wiping at Armin's face with a napkin.

"Is daddy coming back soon?" Eren asked, copying Levi and handing Mikasa a napkin so she could wipe her face too.

"I don't know, yet, Eren." Levi replied, "We have to see how it goes and decide from there."

"Are you going to get dee-worst?" Armin asked, "Like Jean's parent's?"

Levi chuckled at his son's pronunciation. "No, we're not getting _divorced_ , like Jean's parents." He replied, brushing back Armin's hair now. "We're just going to spend some time apart and see if it helps us both cool down. We've been getting angry with each other too much and that's not healthy. So daddy's going to spend some time out of the house so we have some time apart. But I want you all to know that this doesn't mean daddy doesn't love you as much as I do, or that it's any of your fault, okay? This is between me and daddy, not because of anything you did."

"So he's not mad at me because I had a birthday party?" Armin asked, his voice cracking with uncertainty.

"No, honey." Levi replied, "He's not mad you at all."

 

* * *

 

Erwin had packed his bags into the trunk of his car and left before his kids woke up. He spend the morning at the office, then took a break for lunch. He walked to the small deli a block from his workplace and bought a turkey club sandwich, then he sat at a small table outside and ate it while pondering his next actions. He wasn't sure if he should ask Mike if he could stay at his place while he was out of the house; he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Mike that he was out of his own house at all. One of the reasons was because Mike would find out that he missed his son's birthday and, after fighting with Levi about it, he didn't want to hear from his best friend how he had failed at being a father. Another was because he didn't want Levi to be able to keep tabs on him or be tempted to ask Mike to keep tabs on Levi. Levi's answer of 'not yet' in regards to if there was someone else tormented him, and he realized that he was consumed with fear regarding the the thought that Levi had already emotionally moved on.

In the end, Erwin decided that he was going to get himself a hotel room for the time being and stay close to work. He would be able to walk there to save money on gas for his car, and he would force himself to leave the office when it wasn't too late at night to safely make it back. He could order room service for dinner and focus on his work and how he wanted to resolve things with his family.

To a degree, Erwin was angry with Levi for not being as understanding as he had hoped he would be. He had expressed how much this promotion meant to him, how much opportunity it would grant him and his family, and the reputation of his other colleagues that were also applying for this position. He had told Levi in March when he began to apply for the position that it was going to require him to make some sacrifices and that he would be working later. So why Levi was acting like such a nagging wife about it bothered Erwin. It was one birthday - his son would have many more - and he would be in a better position to be there for all of them. At the least, Levi could have been more understanding with him and offered him some support, rather than always paint him as the villain for putting his work ahead of his family.

He sighed as he loosened his tie from around his neck and sat down on the hotel bed. He looked at the time and realized that Levi was probably sitting with the kids around the table, talking about their day and sharing dinner together. He realized how long it had been since he had sat with them at the table, heard Eren's stories about his class and Mikasa's day in gymnastics. "She's in kindergarten now." He mumbled to himself, "Eren's in grade one." He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes, reflecting on himself. One day his kids would be graduated, going to college, and probably running into a handsome young man who would spill their coffee on them and then take them out for dinner.

He chuckled to himself as he recalled Levi's young expression. He was so shocked and apologetic, so in a rush to get to his life on track and find himself a steady, stable job. Erwin sat up and his eyes filled with tears. Levi was so consumed with work at that time in his life that he hadn't been aware of those around him. If he was any more concerned he could have walked right by Erwin, never given him the time of day to apologize, and therefore wouldn't have made any impression on the blonde at all. Their lives would have continued as differently as they could have been. Levi could have gone on to be a dentist with his own practice and Erwin would be… where? What would have happened to their three beloved children? Who would have adopted them?

Erwin's heart filled with despair. Their entire family would cease to exist only to be five different strings in the universe that may never interlace. And yet, Levi was the hand that had found them and knotted them all together. He had worked so resiliently to help them make a life for themselves, both as a couple and as a family. And all he had done was work his dream job to pay the bills and further his own career.

Still, Erwin was torn. He was so close to his own dreams and he wasn't ready to give up on them. It wasn't fair that because he was a father now that he had to close the door on the opportunities that came his way. He had wanted the promotion for years now, and having come this close, felt cheated if he were to give up now. He knew it was going to take sacrifices, but he knew in his heart how much Levi loved him - he wouldn't have cried this morning if he didn't anymore. If he could end this year by getting the promotion, he knew that he could win Levi back.

 

* * *

 

The November days began to pass one after the other. The week after Erwin had left, Eren was assigned his part in the play at school, having taken the leading role as Santa Claus, Mikasa had gotten a lead in the song that her kindergarten class was going to sing, and Armin had cried and had to be brought home early one day when his preschool teacher had asked him to bring something for their holiday themed show-and-tell. Levi's dental office had been busy filling cavities for many children that had overstuffed themselves with Halloween candy and rotten out their teeth. And everywhere they went, Christmas trees, red bows, and colourful garlands soon began to decorate every available space. The cold weather began to bring with it heavy rains and Levi had resorted to driving the short distance to his work place in order to drop and pick his kids from school. He had to bring out their warmer jackets and hats and gloves, check what clothes they had outgrown and would need to go shopping for, and tried his best pass on Eren's clothes onto his younger children. He was conscious of his paycheques paying for his gas and their food bill; aware that despite Erwin no longer residing with them, the blonde was still paying all the house bills to keep a roof over their heads and the heat turned on. He wouldn't be able to provide for them the way Erwin had, having to work less hours in order to take care of them.

Being surrounded by his three kids or his colleagues for constant company, Levi began to feel lonely. He had lost his closest friend, his soul-mate. There was a void that no amount of calling Furlan or Isabella could fill. Erwin was his home, his refuge; with him gone, he felt like a ship lost out at sea, bobbing on the endless waters searching for a safe place to lay anchor. But no such place existed. On Sunday, the eighth day of Erwin's absence, Levi sat beside the laundry machine after putting the kids to sleep, finally letting tears built up from stress, sorrow, and anger release to torment him. He had intended to wrap all of his kid's washed laundry for the week, when one - just one - of Erwin's socks had managed to find its way into the pile and was now laying in his lap, staring up at him with what he could only imagine to be panic. 'Why?' He felt it scream at him, 'Why did you send my pair away? How am I supposed to walk with only myself?'

"I don't know." Levi replied, his voice sticky with sobs. "I don't know how to walk myself right now."

Levi ended up taking to bed with him that night, laying it on top of Erwin's pillow and then curling his body around that pillow to inhale Erwin's scent. He missed him, more than he could even attempt to describe, and in a way Levi had begun to grieve him. It was almost as if he would rather choose to believe Erwin had passed away than accept that they were really separated, that they had agreed and accepted to being apart for so long already. He couldn't remember a time in their entire relationship where they had gone eight days without contacting each other, without seeing each other. It was definitely an all-time-low in their relationship.

Levi managed to keep himself composed enough for another week before he excused himself from work early one day, unable to keep himself in line. Word broke out throughout the office and by mid-afternoon his colleagues were all calling him to check on how he was doing. One of the dentists he assisted had offered to come over and bring him and the kids dinner, but Levi politely declined. He called over Furlan and Isabella for some much needed adult time and to update them on how the kids and himself were doing. Furlan suggested that Levi tried to call Erwin and arrange a play date for the kids, reminding him they were separating, not divorcing, and full custody did not go to him alone.

Erwin had moved into Mike's spare room by the time Levi had decided to call him regarding the kids. It was now the twelfth day that he had been separated from his family, an excruciating almost-fortnight of being apart from them. Mike had found out that Erwin had been staying at a hotel the fourth day, noticing that he had been walking to work rather than driving in, and having been speaking to Levi since he was aware Erwin had missed Armin's birthday party. He had followed him back to the hotel the fifth night, following him up to his room to attempt to knock some sense into him.

"You missed your son's fourth birthday, man." He told him, stressing the fact to Erwin.

"I know, I know! But the kid will have more-"

"That doesn't matter, man! He turned four and his dad wasn't there for him. Can you imagine how that feels, man?! He's four!"

Erwin had sighed and sat down, having been pacing the room as Mike sat on the bed, defending what Erwin viewed as Levi's 'overreaction.'

"Look, man," Mike had told him, "Come on back to my place with me. Stay a few nights, sort yourself out. Take this time apart to fix yourselves. Then try and fix your relationship. Don't let your kids get caught in the middle of an adult problem."

Now Erwin had been here for a little over a week, still not sure how he was supposed to sort himself out. He had taken to working at the small desk in the corner of the guest room that Mike had given him to stay in, making it part-bedroom, part-office. He had only gone to shower when it was approaching what would have been his usual bedtime, exhausted from working late hours the week before; Mike had been keeping him company but always turned their late-night work hours into discussion about his family, leaving him stressed and unable to fall asleep whenever he actually got to bed. When he stepped out of the shower, Levi's name and photo had lit up his phone screen. He pounced, answering immediately as soon as he had a foot out of the tub.

"Levi,"'he gasped, hoping to hear his husband tell him he could come back home now.

Levi clearly frowned, hugging a breath. It was obvious he anticipated Erwin would answer on the last ring, or that he had called back. "Working again?" He asked, his voice flat. Despite missing Erwin he was immediately annoyed by how hard it was to reach him.

"Well," Erwin began, beginning to contemplate if he should tell Levi he had been in the shower, but just as much as he missed his husband and kids, his own defence flared up and he snidely replied, "Yeah, promotions don't earn themself."

"Yeah," Levi replied, "Right. Well, I'm calling to ask if you'd be able to spend some time with the kids this weekend? Or are you planning to work straight through?"

Erwin held his breath; it wasn't a clearance to come back home, but it was an invitation to be with his family once again. "Yeah," he replied, "Yeah, I'd like to come back home and hang out with you guys for a bit."

"Not me." Levi clarified, making it obvious he had no intention to forgive Erwin just yet. He struggled with the words and Erwin wasn't quite sure if he missed him or if he was simply still angry. "Just the kids. You could take them out for a bit, maybe?"

"Oh," Erwin replied, "Yeah." He stated. He was excited to see his kids but he was also upset that he wouldn't get to spend time with his husband. Levi's stubborn streak the only flaw Erwin had trouble accepting, even after all this time. He sometimes wanted to grab the smaller man and shake him, attempting to physically make him realize how annoying and stupid his stubbornness made him, but he never did - he could never hurt him. "Yeah, I can take them for lunch and maybe the zoo or something? Anything they would like to do."

"Sounds good." Levi replied, "When do you wanna come get them?"

"Does Saturday at eleven work?"

"Have them home by six?"

"You want them home for dinner?"

"Do you plan on actually feeding them twice?" Levi asked, his emphasis on the fact that Erwin would be sitting with them as they ate even once was clearly a sarcastic remark. "I don't think they've seen you eat in months, Erwin." He reminded him.

"Isn't that more of a reason for me to have dinner with them then?" Erwin asked, his defence flaring up again.

"So you have no problem eating dinner with the kids, it's only when I'm around that you're working late?"

Erwin fell silent. He hadn't expected Levi to read into his words. And now that he had, he was unsure of how to backtrack their conversation in a way that would allow Levi to believe he was telling the truth when he stated he still loved Levi.

"Is this even about the promotion, Erwin?" Levi asked. His voice wavered as he spoke his husband's name, betraying his true emotional distress to the blonde.

"Levi-" Erwin began, immediately feeling bad for how Levi felt. He wanted to clarify himself, explain to Levi that he still loved him wholeheartedly.

"See you Saturday." Levi stated, cutting Erwin off. He hung up without another word.

Erwin took the phone from his ear to gaze at the blank screen in shock. Levi have never once hung up on him in nine years. He must've been extremely upset. Erwin moved into the bedroom and sat down on his bed, unsure of what to do. He debated calling Levi back, but assumed that since he hung up, the smaller man probably wanted his space. He decided that he would put in an hour's worth of work to distract himself from his family situation, since he wasn't sure how to best handle it, then he would go to sleep. If he didn't feel better about the situation in the morning, he would ask Mike for advice; whatever he was doing now didn't appear to be working.

 

* * *

 

Saturday was cold but bright, the sun hid behind grey clouds for most of the morning, only peeking out occasionally as the clouds rolled by. Levi has woken the kids at nine and got them cleaned, dressed, and fed before eleven to prepare them for Erwin to come pick them up. He had spoke to Furlan over the phone the night before, seeking support from his friend to make sure he was able to Erwin's first visit as the kid's father and not as his husband. True they were still married, but Levi wasn't sure what the boundaries were now that Erwin was temporarily moved out; if things were working out better for both of them, then this arrangement might last for longer than either of them originally anticipated. Levi now ran over the dialogue Furlan had prepared him with in his head, repeating his mantra of 'I am strong, I am independent, I am doing this for the sake of my family' over and over. He didn't want to see Erwin after two weeks and run straight into his arms, begging him to come home just because he missed him. He couldn't allow himself to overlook the neglect that the blonde had for them since spring just because he missed him like crazy after two weeks apart.

Making sure Armin has his comfort blanket and Eren had his backpack with some snacks and toys for them, Levi sat them on the couch to watch TV while they all waited for Erwin to arrive. He half-expected Erwin to call and cancel last minute, providing some cheap work-related excuse, but at exactly five to eleven Erwin pulled into the driveway.

Levi headed to the door and opened it before Erwin could knock, and Levi caught him - front door key in hand - hesitating on the door step if he should just let himself into their home or knock politely as if he were an invited guest.

"Right on time," Levi greeted him, before bitterly adding, "For once."

Erwin's eyes flashed with anger; Levi's stubborn attitude and passive-aggressive comments were really beginning to annoy him. "In all our nine years, I was never late." He reminded him, "But you suddenly started to hang up on me." He retorted, "So maybe I should be tardy for a change as well?"

Levi glared. His left cheek twitched with anger and Erwin knew from experience Levi would have nothing to say back to him - for now.

"Can I enter my own house now?" Erwin asked, having to resist rolling his eyes.

"No," Levi replied. "The deal is you take them out. Not you come in. We're not ready for that yet."

"'We're?'" Erwin repeated, "Do you mean you and the kids, or just you're not ready for that?" He pushed, "Because I don't think it's fair if you're manipulating the kids because of your own feelings, Levi."

Levi's eyes flashed with a look of anger that Erwin had never seen directed at himself before. Levi stepped onto the front step, closing the front door behind himself, and Erwin immediately knew he was in trouble since Levi was protecting their kids from hearing him.

"Listen here, Erwin." Levi stated, looking up at the blonde with a coldness in his eyes that made even ice seem warm, "I'm not manipulating the kids. And I never would. Let me remind you that it was my idea for you to come and see them today - you were out for two weeks now and didn't even call to ask how they're doing! So don't you dare accuse me of manipulating our children, because I was the one taking care of them this entire time - myself. You might pay for a roof over our heads, but that's not being a parent."

Erwin frowned. Levi has the advantage this time, he couldn't say anything but agree with him. He nodded sheepishly, feeling suddenly foolish for arguing with Levi. Instead of showing him how their time apart had made him realize he had ignored Levi and how much he missed him, he had gone ahead and destroyed what little hope of reconciliation they might have had.

"I'm sorry. You're right." Erwin replied, staring at Levi's small feet in his powder-blue house slippers. He recalled how every year he had bought him a pair of slippers for Christmas, how him and the kids laughed about Levi's small shoe size and the difficulties they would face finding him slippers in a size that would fit him without a childish design. "You're right, money isn't parenting. And I- I shouldn't have accused you of manipulating the kids. I'm just, I'm just so stressed out and I- I didn't mean it. Look, can we start again? It's five after eleven, I'm five minutes late, I'm so sorry. Can I pick up the kids and take them to the zoo now?"

Levi frowned. It wasn't like Erwin to suddenly admit defeat and simply try again, but at the same time it was understandable that he was just change tactics so suddenly if he knew he had crossed a line - which he had, big time. "Fine," Levi snapped, clearly playing along for Erwin's sake. "But I'm letting it go because of the kids." He explained, "They looked forwards to today since yesterday when I told them about it, so I'm not going to stand in the way of their happiness. But this doesn't change anything between us."

As he turned back to open the front door and call out to their kids, Erwin smiled at him, observing his short, lithe body for the first time in front of him in days. Levi always resembled a little cup of coffee to him, ever since their first meeting on the train. Today, the resemblance was amusing and a little painful, reminding Erwin of how far they had come together, and how easily he could lose it all if he didn't keep himself in line. It was easy to take for granted the things - the people - that a person depends on when they're always there, and Erwin was no different from every other average person; he was overwhelmed, worn down, and easily distracted after a hard day's work, and that had begun to show after nine years with Levi. But that wasn't the case with Levi - even as Erwin noticed the few soft wrinkles that had begun to form alongside Levi's mouth and the outer corners of his eyes, he couldn't recall a moment where Levi has taken his family for granted or neglected them for his own personal success. He had even dropped his work hours from full to part time in order to make their small family work, a sacrifice that Erwin had never gotten around to fully outwardly thanking Levi for.

He opened his mouth to speak, intending to inform Levi of all the things on his mind, all the minor mistakes he had made or the insights he overlooked that had ultimately led them to this point in their relationship, when his three kids came to the door and began to hug him around the thighs and waist. He knelt down to give each of them a proper hug, then lifted Armin up and into his arm, rising with him so he could hold onto the small boy and have him lean against his broad chest. "Six o'clock?" He asked Levi, pausing and waiting for the smaller man to reply. He had lost all the courage he had summed up to tell Levi what he should as soon as he realized Levi had stepped back inside the house and was holding the front door with one hand, ready to close it as soon as their pleasantries had come to an end.

"If you don't mind." Levi replied coolly, then waved at their kids. "Have fun with daddy." He told them, "Look out for each other, be safe. I love you, kids." He met Erwin's eyes once more as Erwin turned back from walking the kids to his car to glance at him. "Six o'clock," he reminded Erwin sternly, "Don't be late."

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ratings: M  
> Warnings: N/A  
> Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

 

**Chapter 3:**

Levi waited at home anxiously for the clock to strike six and have Erwin bring their kids home. He couldn't wait to talk to them about what they did with their father, how much attention he gave them, and what kinds of things he did with them. He spent the first part of his alone time cleaning up the house. Afterwards, he took some time for himself to shower and groom himself, then sat down to enjoy a small pot of tea in the living room on his own.

Levi stared at the small blue pot on the coffee table. It was made of cast-iron, and set upon a cast-iron base with a lit tea candle under it, meant to keep tea warm for hours at a time. It had been a Christmas gift from Erwin the year they had adopted Eren. Erwin had joked that Levi could use it when the blonde had come home from work and looked after Eren in the evenings. Levi smiled, thinking back to that Christmas, and then all Christmases forwards. Erwin had spent so much time with their kids - babies mostly at the time - making sure they didn't crawl into the fireplace or hurt themselves under the tree. He spent a lot of time on his own hands and knees, tickling and teasing his children as Levi watched from where he got to relax on the couch. Occasionally, Levi would get down and join them, playing card games or board games until the kid's bedtime. Other times, he would head into the kitchen to bring them all hot chocolate or chocolate cake.

Sitting here now, Levi could envision his husband on the floor in front of him, playing goldfish with Armin and Mikasa while he ran lines with Eren on the couch for his school play. Levi assumed that would be what they would do as a family tonight if Erwin wasn't so consumed with work. He understood that Erwin had wanted the position of Commander-Of-Operations at his firm for a long time now, probably since as long as Erwin had been hired there. It was the only position under Chief-Commander-Of-Operations, which was the head of the firm entirely. Erwin had kept him up to date with how Keith Shadis - the current COO - was planning to retire at the end of this year, and how Nile Dok - a long time rival of Erwin's since university - had also been eyeing the position of COO.

Levi began to wonder about Nile. From what he knew about Nile, from the few rants Erwin had regarding the man, was that he was married, had three children with his wife, and lived with his mother-in-law. Levi began to wonder if Nile Dok had began to neglect his family in order to obtain the promotion at work. Would his daughters be missing their father because he was too busy at the office? Would he be taking his work home and grumpily yelling at his wife to take the kids for the evening?

Levi sighed. He had time to himself, which he was relieved by not having to mind the three children for the first time in two weeks, but now he was missing his family more than ever. He thought about the last conversation he had with Erwin, the tension they had and the speed at which they jumped at each other's throat with snide comments and anger. If they continued treating each other the way they had been, Levi was sure their relationship would fail and they would be spending more and more time as co-parents rather than a family. This kind of evening, waiting for his husband - no, Erwin - to bring their kids home after a weekend out might become the new normal, if Erwin had agreed to let Levi keep the kids during the weekdays.

Levi found his eyes had welled up with tears and for once, since the kids were not home, he was able to let them freely fall. He let out the sob that he had been holding back for so long, then placed his teacup on the coffee table, curled up on his side on the couch, and let himself cry into the throw pillow.

 

* * *

 

Erwin had taken the kids to the zoo, asking them if they had eaten yet. Eren had replied that 'dad fed us' in a flat voice, obviously the most upset with Erwin for the recent changes to their family dynamic. Erwin couldn't blame his eldest son, who had not only caught them fighting but was mature enough to understand divorce, especially since his best friend's family was divorced. It was completely understandable that Eren was afraid his own parents would divorce and he would end up like Jean, passed back and forth between two adults that were bitter towards each other. Erwin wanted to comfort Eren, that he wasn't going to let that happen to Levi and himself, but he knew that Eren would just be difficult to deal with, and that was a natural consequence.

He took them to the zoo, which Armin and Mikasa were excited about, and Eren once more reminded him that 'dad already too us here in the summer' in his voice full of annoyance. Erwin smiled despite his frustration and informed Eren that the zoo would change to have different teachable moments, with some animals going into hibernation and others becoming more active since the seasons changed. They spent some time exploring and Erwin found himself relaxing a little bit, feeling the stress of work melt away. He remembered what it would be like for himself to be out with his family, watching the kids while Levi ran off to grab them all some ice cream, or perhaps unpack the sandwiches he prepared them. He smiled to himself, then kissed Armin's temple as he held his youngest against himself, trying to make up for missing his birthday.

After the zoo, Erwin took them to a Kidz World for lunch. It was a new restaurant chain that got popular nationwide, with a lot of older arcade games for the kids to busy themselves with as the servers took orders and brought food to tables. While Eren and Mikasa busied themselves competing in a two-player racing game, Erwin sat with his arm around Armin's shoulders, trying to get his youngest to help him out with Levi.

"I'm so sorry I missed your party bud," Erwin began, then moved his son's hair out of his eyes. "I hope you can forgive me."

"I do, daddy." Armin replies, his high voice soft and quiet. "I missed you."

"Aw, buddy, I missed you too." Erwin replied. "Even more now since I'm not home."

"Why not?"

"Well, it's just complicated right now, hun. But I'm staying with uncle Mike. Things will get better, I promise."

"Will you be home for Christmas?" This question came from around Armin's blanket, which the boy began to chew on as a means to hide his nerves.

"Don't do that," Erwin lightly scolded him, taking the blanket out from between his teeth. "How's mommy doing?" He asked. Despite Levi never having given birth to the kids, Erwin always referred to Levi as the kids mom behind his back. Levi knew about it, but he didn't correct Erwin. On occasion the kids called Levi 'mommy' too, out of habit from talking to Erwin about Levi.

"Mum-my," Armin replied, still chewing on the blanket. He only continued to talk when Erwin had coaxed him to physically move the blanket from his mouth. "Mum-my's sad." He replied. "He- he tries not to show us. But we know he's sad. Eren- Eren says that is not our fault, but I feel- I feel bad, dad-dy."

Erwin sighed. "I know." He replied, then hugged his son, "I know. Mummy's tired, that's all. Daddy should've spent some more time with mummy and you kids, instead of work all summer. You know we don't normally have such miserable summers, right? Well, you're young, but your brother and sister know we normally spend more time together."

"Will you be home soon, daddy?" Armin asked, hugging Erwin and abandoning his blanket to wrap his arms around Erwin's shoulders instead.

Erwin watched the blanket fall to the vinyl bench seat beside himself and his lips rose in a wavering smile. Over Armin's small shoulders he could see Eren and Mikasa had moved on to a competitive game of air hockey; his daughter still holding onto a small plush toy of a 'titan' from Eren's favourite apocalypse series - her comfort item. He realized how much meaning was behind something as simple as a yellow blanket being abandoned in favour of hugging someone, in favour of hugging his father, and Erwin pat Armin's back, holding him close to his chest. "I'm so sorry, buddy." He whispered, "I'm so sorry, I don't know."

 

* * *

 

Erwin had the kids back by six o'clock. Levi had pulled himself off the couch and back together emotionally by the time Erwin had pulled into the driveway, so he was well composed for his kids' arrival. He was red-eyed and dark-circled, but he couldn't hide any of that from Erwin, so he left his hair in his face, knowing that Erwin would know why but wouldn't be able to prove it.

They were both on their best behaviour as they once more exchanged the kids. Erwin didn't linger as long as before and Levi didn't push him to talk about what other plans he had. He simply as "Same time next week?" implying that Erwin still wasn't accepted back home. Erwin nodded and agreed, accepting Levi's ultimatum, then whispered a faint 'goodbye.' He paused and turned to Levi, stopping halfway from the house in the chilly air of the mid-November evening and jogged the short distance back to the doorway.

"Can I come over next week instead?" He asked, "We can all put the tree up, like we normally do."

Levi frowned. He didn't want Erwin to get any funny ideas but he was surprised that Erwin was volunteering to do something together as a family. "You want to- you- the tree." He gave his head a shake and tried again, "I'm sorry, but are you sure you don't have work to be doing?"

Erwin blushed. His defence flared up but he sighed instead of retort anything rude. Levi seemed so young, so tired; just like when he ran into him and spilt his coffee all over him. "Levi, please." Erwin began, "I just want to do something normal for the kids. Tell you what, I'll take them out to pick up a tree - a real one this time. You can make hot chocolate and we can all decorate it. I'll buy us all a nice dinner, order in a pizza or some Chinese take out, and then I'll leave for the night. No funny business, no work, just something strictly for the kids."

Levi bit his lower lip. "Erwin," he began, "That sounds like a lot of work." He mumbled, "I don't even know how to take care of a real tree-"

"Or we can just put up the old fake one-"

"But it does sound like something good for the kids. You can take them out and spend some time with them and I can get the house ready. Maybe we should try to spend some time together, as a family, and see how things go? I'm not ready to forgive you, Erwin, I want to be clear on that. But I don't want to give up you just yet either."

"I know." Erwin replied, "I know. Thank you, Levi. Really. I'm- I'll see you next week."

Despite how much he wanted to say it, despite how much he knew he had to say it, Erwin wasn't about to get the apology out. He turned, cheeks red from embarrassment, and headed back to his car. He waved at Levi once, then got in behind the wheel and spotted his kids in the living room window. He tooted his car horn twice, waved at them as he turned his headlights on, then backed out of the driveway and into the dark, November night.

 

* * *

 

Another week came and went, with much of Sunday devoted to chores and much of the weekdays devoted to school and homework. Levi had begun to spend some time in the evenings fitting Eren for his costume as Santa Claus and listening to Mikasa practicing for her solo in her class's song. The kindergarten class she was in was going to do a musical number on Christmas mice, and until the other two mice had decided on what the costumes would consist of, Levi wasn't able to fit her for her's.

On Thursday, Eren had Jean over for a sleepover and Levi got to spend some time with the boy's mother. He wanted to ask her how she knew her marriage was over with her husband, wanting to save himself and the kids more pain if there was a clearer way to see how his future with Erwin was like, but he knew it was rude and out of his place to ask something so bold to his son's friend's mother. He wasn't close to her before their kids had met, hadn't even known her, so he knew it was overstepping a line he shouldn't cross. So it surprised him when she began to tell him about the divorce of her own free will.

From what Levi gathered, which was quite a bit since Jean's mother had no shame in informing him how much of a good-for-nothing Jean's father was, the divorce was inevitable. Her marriage to Jean's father was nothing like his with Erwin, so it would be comparing apples and oranges even if he had tried to. There was little romance before a marriage, if any after, and to some degree Levi questioned how much bitterness Jean's mom was adding in hindsight of the divorce to describe some of the moments before she had even agreed to marry her ex-husband.

After she had left, Levi had taken all the kids to the movies. Not wanting to watch the latest animation film with them, Levi had bought them tickets and got them settled into the theatre, leaving his son in charge, then headed to the theatre across the hall to see the latest holiday rom-com with Isabella. While they had considered inviting Furlan to come along with them, they both predicted that he would rather watch the latest sci-fi movie instead, so they decided against it.

Isabella drove Mikasa and Armin home, coming inside to spend some time with Levi after all the children went to sleep. The next morning, Levi took Eren, Jean, and Mikasa to school, before dropping Armin off at preschool and heading in to work at the dental office. The dentist he worked with - Flagon - had offered to come by and spend time with him in the evenings, informing Levi that he had heard about his recent separation from Erwin from some of the office ladies. Levi frowned, politely declined, informing him that he had only separated from Erwin temporarily. While Flagon had been kind to him since he started at his firm, Levi had never taken it to mean that the older man had any romantic attraction towards him, thinking that his boss just admired his work ethic. Now, he was hoping the rejection didn't cause him any discomfort at work. After such an awkward moment, he spent the morning cleaning teeth for teenagers that managed to convince their parents to make their hygiene appointments during school hours, then picked up his youngest kids and headed back home.

During dinner he informed them all that Erwin would be coming over to pick them up to do something extra special for Christmas tomorrow. Despite their excitement, which even Eren shared in, Levi managed to calm them all down and get ready for bed. The next morning, Levi woke them up and got them ready, feeding them and once more letting them watch TV as they waited for Erwin to show up. Levi gave Erwin an extra half an hour, hoping that he had been held up in traffic or that he might be late because he was trying to surprise them all somehow. By quarter to twelve and one-and-a-half cartoons later, Levi gave up trying to keep his kids positive and called Erwin. The man answered on the last ring, out of breath and completely panicked.

"Levi? I'm so-"

"Save it, Erwin. Where the hell are you?! The kids are worried! They've been waiting for almost an hour!"

"I know, I know. Shit, I'm sorry. I was on my way out the door and Zackly called me-"

"So you didn't tell him that you made arrangements with your children?!"

"I'm not exactly in any position to argue. If he called me first, then that must mean I'm in the running for the position over Nile and Dot."

"So you're just gonna let your boss call the shots, huh?" Levi sarcastically questioned him, clear unimpressed.

"Levi, it was just a few papers. He just wanted me to swing by the office and grab a few papers. I thought it wouldn't take so long, that I'd be able to pop in and pop out and be a few minutes late, tops. I didn't expect to still be here-"

"You're still at the office?!" Levi asked, completely shocked. "Erwin, what the hell?! You didn't even call us!"

"I know, I know Levi. I fucked up. I'm-"

"I don't even know if we should do this today anymore." Levi replied, completely ignoring Erwin and now attempting to blow him off. "Me and the kids are just gonna put up the old tree and-"

"NO!" Erwin shouted, then swallowed nervously. "I mean, I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't mean to- Look, just give me ten minutes. I'm leaving the office right now, I swear. I'll be there soon. Please, just… let me do this with you and the kids. Please."

Levi sighed and despite how much he wanted to be angry with Erwin, he felt himself giving in. "Alright." He mumbled, clearly not impressed. "But I want you to know the it's because I don't want to disappoint the kids, not-"

"That's cool." Erwin replied, cutting him off. "I'm on my way, tell the kids I'll be there." Despite seemingly ending the conversation, Erwin still couldn't bring himself to hang up the phone; he needed to hear Levi say goodbye first.

Levi frowned at first, annoyed to be cut off by Erwin. But when the blonde refused to hang up without hearing goodbye, Levi smiled. There was some old fashioned things about Erwin that made him uniquely Erwin, and this was one of them; his determination to hold onto whatever traditions him and Levi had made, alongside his obsession with having countdowns to the very days that they had known each other or dated - which was part of the reason Levi was so upset when Erwin began to miss birthdays. It made him feel as though his husband was becoming a stranger in comparison to the person he had known for nine long years.

"Alright," he whispered, giving in and letting Erwin be able to hang up. "I'll see you soon then."

Erwin grinned and whispered a quick, "Thanks Levi," then hung up the phone.

 

* * *

 

Eren didn't seem as ready to forgive his dad as fast as Levi was to forgive his husband. Having overheard that Erwin had gone in to work rather than come over and see them, despite having made plans with them, Eren was annoyed. He complained while Levi fed them some sandwiches for lunch and only stopped when Levi glared at him as he was pouring them all some grape juice to drink. Erwin arrived shortly after that, knocking the door and waiting sheepishly for Mikasa to answer the door. Armin followed her, dragging his yellow blanket on the floor behind himself and chew his sleeve nervously. "I thwot you for-got us, dad-dy." Armin mumbled, clearly anxious.

Erwin scooped Armin up and guided his hand away from Armin's mouth. "No, no buddy. I'd never forget you." He whispered, then kissed his squishy cheek. "Are you all bundled up, ready to go?" He asked, looking down at his kids and making sure they all had hats and jackets on.

"They're ready." Levi replied, "I didn't tell them anything though."

"Oh? Good, that's good. Thanks, Levi! I thought you might have, after I was… tied up."

"No, I… I didn't want to spoil it for them."

"Spoil what?" Armin and Mikasa asked at the same time.

"How about you go find out?" Levi asked, bending down to hug Mikasa and Eren. "Go with daddy, have a good time."

Erwin smiled at Levi and shifted Armin's weight to his hip rather than his arms. "Thanks, hun." He whispered to Levi. "I- I appreciate it."

Levi watched his little family head out the door. He closed the front door only after Erwin had driven away with the kids, heading to the small pine tree lot just out of the middle of the city.

 

* * *

 

As Erwin had predicted, the kids were thrilled to be able to go out and pick their own Christmas tree. Erwin let them run around for a bit, letting Eren explore all the large trees that wouldn't fit on top of his car for a little bit before he reminded Eren that mummy wouldn't be able to help them decorate a tree so tall. Eren laughed, agreeing with his father, then smiled at his siblings and led them to smaller, more homely-sized trees. In the end, Erwin chose one not much taller than himself, a large full pine. He had an assistant help net up the tree for them, then help him tie it down to the top of his car. Afterwards, he had the kids help him pick a bucket for the tree, and several new ornaments he hoped they would enjoy. Armin wondered over with a book on traditional ways to decorate a Christmas tree, so Erwin purchased that as well, then the four of them returned home.

Levi had cleared a space for the tree and was reading on his tablet how to best care for a fresh tree when they returned home. Erwin had Mikasa and Eren carry in all their shopping, bringing in the tree last so that they were able to pot it safely without making too much of a mess. Afterwards, they all spent the evening decorating the tree with lights and ornaments, before they all settle down around the tree on the floor to admire their work. As promised, Levi made them hot chocolate and Erwin ordered some pizza. They had a quiet evening together as a family, watching a movie as they ate and pretending that this was their new normal. Levi was bitter that the first time in months that they got to eat together as a family was in front of the television, but he wasn't going to argue with Erwin in front of the kids after they finally had a good day with both of their fathers.

At six thirty, Erwin stood up and Levi followed him to front door. He thanked him for having a good day with the kids, taking them out and treating them to something new for the holidays. Erwin grinned, finding Levi's words amusing. "They're my kids too, Levi." He reminded him, then simply wrapped his arms around Levi in a fond embrace. Levi raised his hands and hugged Erwin back politely, but didn't embrace him as he once did. Clearly he was still offended by Erwin's work to fully forgive him, despite all the good work he had done today with his family.

"Kiss him," Mikasa stated, her high pitched voice interrupting their adult time together.

"Wha-what?" Levi asked, releasing Erwin to turn and face their daughter.

"Kiss him, daddy." Mikasa repeated.

Erwin chuckled and stepped away from Levi, knowing that the smaller man felt awkward about the whole situation. "Not today, 'Kasa." He replied, "I'm sure mommy just wants to rest after such an exciting day."

Levi smiled at Erwin, grateful he understood. "Yeah baby, not tonight." He told Mikasa, then turned back to face Erwin. "I'll see you next week." He told him, watching Erwin head to his car and drive back to Mike's place.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ratings: M  
> Warnings: N/A  
> Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

**Chapter 4:**

As December approached, Erwin began to think of ways to make the holidays memorable for his children. He didn't want to ruin any surprises by letting his kids know he was gathering information for gifts for them whenever they talked, but he did exchange some information with Levi, teaming up with him each time they saw each other on the weekends to come up with gift ideas. Occasionally when Erwin came over, he handed Levi a bag of gifts to wrap while he took the kids out of the house. Levi then hid the wrapped presents in their bedroom, so the kids wouldn't be able to find them until they were placed under the tree on Christmas morning.

The thought came to Erwin on the first Saturday of the month, as he sat with his kids in their favourite burger house, that he should surprise Levi as well. While he had hopes to spend Christmas with his family, he wasn't sure if he would be invited or not. He decided that he would surprise Levi one night closer to Christmas and appear uninvited, perhaps bring him an early Christmas present that would remind both of them how much their relationship meant. He said nothing to his kids, not wanting them to become excited and let their mum know anything of the plan.

After taking them home to Levi, Erwin headed back to Mike's house where he had been staying for the past month and sat down at the kitchen table opposite Mike's wife Nanaba. He began to ask her for ideas, wondering if she would be able to provide him with any insight into what Levi would find a meaningful and romantic gift that wasn't a broom or a new pair of underwear.

Nanaba laughed and the pair past time waiting for Mike to get out of the shower before he could join them for dinner and help provide some suggestions. Together, they decided that clothing was not romantic and certain kinds of jewelry was clearly too much of a buy-back. Eventually Mike made the argument that a ring this far into their marriage would not be a bad idea, and it was a valid reminder. Nanaba argued that a locket with their kids names engraved inside would be a more sentimental option and that a ring was too grand. In the end, Erwin decided that he would buy Levi another ring, enjoying the idea that it reminded them of their marriage vows, a symbol of their family and their love for each other. He headed to the jewelry store where he had commissioned their wedding rings from after work one day, leaving Nile in the office on his own, in order to stop by the jewelry store before it closed. He explained that he understood his request was a rush order, and at a bad time of the year given the holiday season, but explained that his marriage depended on the fact that he made it up to his spouse and that the ring was more meaningful than any other thing he could offer him in this moment.

Anxiously, Erwin waited the next three days until the jewelry store called him back. On Thursday night that week, Erwin left work early to pick up the ring. He headed straight to their house, making sure to dust off his blazer so that he would look his best before he parked across the street from his house. He was surprised to find Isabella's car in their driveway, blocking Levi's. He wasn't sure if he should go ahead with his plan, glancing at the time and wondering if Levi had been drinking with Isabella since it was past the kids' bedtime. He was fretting in the car, trying to figure out what the best course of action would be, when another car pulled up in front of his house, this time stopping on the curb-side on the street closest to the house.

Erwin sat up in his seat, his bright blue eyes narrowing as he filled with dread. He didn't recognize this car, was confused as to what it was even doing in front of his house. When he was sure that the car had pulled over as a mistake or for the driver to simply answer his phone, the front doors opened and Levi and a tall blonde man stepped out. They were both elaborately dressed, with the blonde in a crisp navy suit and Levi in a fancy ash-grey suit with a baby-blue shirt and white cravat tied around his neck. The blonde placed a hand on Levi's lower back as he walked him to the door, then stood on the landing as Levi fumbled with his keys. Levi had clearly been drinking, since he laughed loudly at something the blonde man said and dropped his keys as he tried to unlock the door.

Erwin's hands tightened to fists and he hissed in his breath. He had clearly interrupted Levi's date, coming just in time to witness Levi kiss the man on the lips briefly before heading into the house. Isabella had come to the door after hearing them fuss and was closing the door, guiding Levi into the house to take care of him.

Erwin had seen enough. He threw the ring box into the glovebox of his car and turned the engine over. He watched the man in the navy suit walk back to his car, a bright smile on his face, then drive away. Erwin drove in the opposite directly, driving away from his house as fast as he could. His chest felt tight, his heart physically hurting. He felt nauseated and feared that he would have to puke after seeing Levi stretch up on his tiptoes to plant a kiss on another man's lips. He could see the way the men would yell at him on the train platforms when he ran into them, he felt the fear that he had when he wondered if another man that Levi ran into would find his clumsiness and last-minute rush as attractive as he himself had. He wondered if Levi was planning to tell him about this other man, or how long he had even begun seeing him. And now, as he pulled over into the lot of a bar that looked like its main clients were construction men and middle-aged ex-wives, he wondered if he himself should try to put himself out there to try and forget what he just saw and how he currently felt.

Erwin decided that while he was not going to make any rash decisions or look for any company tonight, he would go inside the establishment and have a late dinner. He didn't feel like returning to Mike's house and telling him about what he saw; he didn't have the heart to repeat it even in his own head. When he had taken two steps inside the bar, Erwin paused to look around and was surprised when he saw a familiar bald head at the corner booth. He headed over and stood beside the table, waiting for the dark-eyed man to look up from ribeye steak before he politely asked if he could join him.

"Smith?" The man replied, "I'm surprised to see you here. By all means." He motioned to the seat across from himself.

Erwin sat down across from Keith Shadis, the man whose position he had been desperately trying to earn, then flagged a waitress to come take his order. He ordered a cheesesteak burger with fries and a large mug of their house beer, then turned to face Keith.

"I am as well." He replied, "I didn't expect to meet anyone from work here."

Keith laughed a wheezy laugh and shrugged. "I never met anyone from work here. It was kind of my home away from home, if you catch my drift."

Erwin nodded but didn't completely understand what Keith meant. "I thought that you spent most of your off time at home." He replied, "You always spoke about your kids when I saw you at work."

"Ahh, I just passed on what my wife told me. To be honest, I never really saw that much of them."

This news surprised Erwin and he struggled to keep his mouth from falling open. "Are you- For real?" Erwin asked.

Keith only laughed again. "I'm not sure why men like you and Nile are even fighting for my position in the company, Erwin." He raised his half-empty glass and took a sip of his ale, then placed it down on the table and smacked his lips together. "To be honest, the best person would be Dot because his kids are grown and he's divorced. And that's the way you and Nile would be heading if either of you were to get promoted."

"Is the position that much work, sir?" Erwin asked, falling back into his business conduct as soon as he began to hear about the promotion again.

Keith nodded solemnly, then took another sip of his beer. "I was divorced, twice, from the same lady." He replied, "And the second time I didn't get no second chance. I was a handsome man, Erwin, with a head full of brown hair if you could imagine. I was never as sunken or as bruised up as I am now. But that's what the job does to you, works you all days of the weeks, no holidays, no nuthin'. You just work and work and work - look at what Zackly does. Being Commander-Of-Operations is great, and you get power like you wouldn't believe, but you have to take responsibility of that power twenty-four-seven. It's not for those that have other responsibilities in life. If you want kids, then you're going to have to make a choice."

Erwin swallowed nervously, surprised to be here having this conversation with this man. Not a religious man by nature, Erwin was surprised that he had even ended up here after what he had witnessed with Levi and the blonde man back home. He wondered where he stood now: if his marriage really was failing, would he want to throw himself into his work and get divorced like Keith had? Would him and Levi be able to have a second chance? Would he fuck it up a second time even if he had been given one? Was the universe trying to tell him something about his family and his work, because it sure as hell felt like it.

"That sounds intense." He finally replied, thinking of his youngest son. He thought of how distant he had grown from Eren already, how the elder boy had already began to show him attitude in response to him 'abandoning' their family. "That sounds… very intense."

"It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure." Keith replied, "And to be honest Erwin, if I had someone tell me this before I took the position, I would have turned it down. The reason I got remarried to my ex-wife was because I actually quit the position for about a year, but I was called back when the position wasn't filled. That was before you and Nile were promoted, so I wouldn't expect you to have heard about it-"

"No, we never did." Erwin replied.

"Yeah. Figures. Old Zackly would no doubt want to keep it covered up so you wouldn't refuse the job on him later on. But honestly," he sipped his beer again, finishing it in one large gulp. "Don't be a fool, Erwin. The job isn't what they make it out to be. And… you can never replace your family. If I had been a smarter man, I would've been there to watch my Amy grown up and grow old with my wife. Instead, I'll be retiring to see if I can grow back any of my hair and regain any of my sanity."

He stood up and threw two twenties down on the table to cover his tab, then pat Erwin's shoulder. "Take my advice, Erwin: focus on your family. They're the ones that need you most, not Zackly."

Erwin watched Keith leave the bar, staring blankly after him in shock. When the waitress came by to collect her money, Erwin asked her to take his food back and pack it to-go, before he asked her if she could describe the man that had just been sitting across from him the entire time. She describe Keith perfectly, then asked Erwin if he was alright to drive. Erwin nodded, informing her that he just had an epiphany, and the word clearly went right over the dumb broad's head. She informed Erwin that she would be back with his food, and Erwin took a twenty out of his wallet to cover the cost of the food and drink. Because he didn't dine in and was unimpressed by her service, Erwin left her a minimal tip, not being cheap enough to not give her one entirely.

When he returned to Mike's house, his best friend was still awake. Not feeling as hungry as he was on the drive home, Erwin split the burger with his friend on the back patio, telling him about what he saw regarding Levi and the blonde and then what happened at the bar with Keith. Mike whistled, implying that Erwin had gotten himself in a huge problem, then shook his head.

"I wish I could help you out, man." Mike replied, "But I think this decision is entirely on you. And it's definitely one you need to make yourself. Maybe you need to talk to Levi about-"

"That's going to be a good conversation. 'Hey Levi, I meant to come by and surprise you and saw you kissing some fuckin' other fool.'" Erwin grumbled in reply.

"Well, maybe you need to calm down about it first?" Mike tried.

"Calm down first? Mike, I have to see him in two days anyways. I gotta go pick up the kids for another date. We're already acting like we're fuckin' divorced - or at least like we're on the way there. I can't take it anymore! I don't want to keep living off you, being homeless despite paying for a house and watching some other man moving in on my husband and kids."

Mike looked back to see if Nanaba had heard Erwin's outburst, then lowered his voice and leaned in closer. "Look, I know this is going to sound like stupid advice, but perhaps you need to do something reckless that will help you make your decision."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Erwin replied, leaning in as well and keeping his voice down, mimicking Mike to avoid Nanaba's ears.

"I'm just saying, if you feel so strongly about you and Levi falling apart, maybe you should try something new too? Maybe that's what he was doing? Maybe you need to go out on a date and see if you can hit it off with someone too? I'm not saying you need to give up on you and Levi as a couple entirely, but maybe it will help you make up your mind as to what you want to devote yourself more to: your wife or your work."

Erwin sat back in his seat and frowned. He didn't like the direction the conversation had turned but he also couldn't shoot down the logic that Mike presented him with. If he could find someone from the get-go that would accept that he was more into his job than his relationship, he would have no guilt in taking the position. His mind diverted back to Keith and the warning he had been given at the bar, and he bit his lower lip.

"Look, at the least you would know what your heart wants more." Mike pushed. "At the end of a dinner out, you might find out something about yourself."

Erwin rose, nodding. He hid a yawn behind his hand and mumbled that he was tired. "I'll think about it." He told Mike, before taking his dishes to the kitchen sink, saying goodnight to Nanaba, and heading to bed.

 

* * *

 

Unable to find the strength in himself to see Levi that week, Erwin begged Mike to call him and tell him that he was sick. He didn't want to miss seeing his kids, but Erwin knew that he would say or do something he would later regret if he were to see Levi right about now. He drove by the house a few time after dark, thinking he would stop by after work each day, but never having the guts to actually do so. He didn't want to risk their already fragile relationship because he was being petty over a date Levi had gone on. He wasn't sure how many dates Levi had gone on with the blonde, or if he had any more since, but he was sure he would bring up the blonde if he saw Levi, and he didn't want to hurt Levi or their relationship any more than he already had.

As Christmas began to approach, Erwin found himself spending more time visiting bars before heading back to Mike's house after work. He knew he was subconsciously trying to take Mike's advice on the matter, but he had been unable to see anyone in the bar that caught his eye. Prior to meeting Levi, Erwin had a crush on a young woman in his university. She was an undergrad student that was studying basic medical administration and was a quiet young woman. He'd see her in the library most days, with her curly brown hair flowing down her back and her rich brown, doe-like eyes often trained on a book. Erwin had only spoken to her once, finding out her name was Maria and that was she was younger than him. He had lost interest in her after graduating, becoming enamoured by a young man on the train instead.

Erwin thought about Maria now, sitting in the bar on Christmas Eve, wondering how his life would have been if he had pursued her instead of Levi. He would probably have his own biological children with her by now, but he would no doubt still be in the same problem he was in with Levi. Just because Levi never gave birth to their children didn't make them any less their's, and it didn't undervalue their status as a family. If anything, Erwin saw it as the way his life would have gone regardless: falling in love, getting married, and having a family. Now, as he sat in the same shabby bar he had met Shadis in two weeks ago, he thought of Maria and how his life might have gone if he was married to her instead.

To his surprise, he spotted a young lady with curly brown hair, seated at the bar with her eyes down on her plate. She was dressed in a short skirt and simple t-shirt, with a tall brown boots. Her long, tan coat was folded over the back of her chair. Thinking of Levi sharing a kiss with the blonde stranger and Mike's advice to him, Erwin stood up and took his drink over to sit by her side.

"Excuse me, miss," he began, "But I thought that you could use some company."

The woman smiled at Erwin and looked up at him with round brown eyes. "Actually, you thought correct." She replied, her voice soft and charming to hear. "Please, join me."

Erwin smiled. Already things began to feel a little better. Perhaps Mike had been right. "What brought you here tonight?" Erwin asked, trying to start a conversation but not feeling one hundred percent about investing himself in one.

"Oh, just… life, you know? Probably the same reason you did." She replied.

Erwin took a sip of his drink, trying to buy himself time for what he could say to her in return. The woman clearly thought he was there to pick up a lady partner for the night, and he was sure that she was content if he picked her up. He motioned to the bartender and asked him for a second round, then turned to the woman. "Could I buy you a drink?" He asked.

"Please." She replied, then turned her attention to the bartender. "I'll have a Moscow mule."

As the bartender began to make their drinks, Erwin learned that the woman worked in the paediatric department of the hospital. He informed her that he worked in business. Her next question of if he was a workaholic took him by surprise, and he explained that he was currently one right now. The woman laughed and busied herself in her drink, which the bartender had placed in front of them at that moment, and Erwin followed her lead and took a large sip of his own drink.

The woman stated that she didn't want to talk about work any more once she put her glass down and changed the subject to the new year instead. She told him that she wanted to go back to school to become a registered nurse and that she intended to sign up to medical school in the spring. Erwin informed her that he was looking forwards to a promotion at work and that besides that, he wasn't sure what else the year would have in store for him. He conveniently left out that it would be his tenth wedding anniversary, a milestone up until now he was certain to make with Levi, but he was sure the woman wouldn't want to hear about that as well.

The evening wore on and they began to talk about all things that didn't involve work, changing the topic every time they got too close to the taboo subject. Erwin began to feel that they were playing some kind of party game, and as the drinks kept coming and the evening wore on, he began to feel less guilty about spending time flirting with another person. After his second drink, he took off his wedding ring and tucked it into his pocket, sure that later on tonight he would have no need for it. And he was right; as the hours passed and evening changed to night, Erwin offered to leave the bar with the woman, intent to take her to a local hotel as she continued to flash him her bare thighs, and to his delight, she agreed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ratings: M  
> Warnings: N/A  
> Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

**Chapter 5:**

Erwin pulled into the parking lot of the same hotel that he had spend the first week and a half at when Levi had first asked him to leave. The woman was all giggles, clearly intoxicated and excited to get to spend an evening with the handsome blonde businessman. She couldn't seem to wait for him to get out of the car before she began to put her hands on him, immediately leaning over the gearshift and beginning to kiss his cheek as he put the car in park. Erwin pulled up the emergency brake and then leaned across the gearshift to kiss her back, his hands reaching out caress her shoulders, and he moaned softly in relief. It felt so good to be accepted, to be wanted, to be loved again.

Erwin pulled away, flashing her a daredevil smile, then got out of the car and began to head around it to take her into his arms. She climbed out of the car, equally intoxicated, and stumbled into his arms. He caught her and helped her regain her balance, losing his own as she pulled on his arm, so that he fell against her, pinning her to the car. She giggled and he giggle back, drunk on alcohol and delirious with desire. He felt her arms reach up and wrap around his neck and he rubbed himself against her, pressing his crotch against her hip as he pushed her against his car.

He let his hands trace her slender shoulders, feeling the straps of her bra under her shirt, and he felt a shiver of excitement run through him as he heard her gasp. For the first time in a long time, he felt another person shiver at his touch, gasp in pleasure at the sensations he caused. He wanted to feel someone quiver and convulse and contract around him, cry out loudly in pleasure as he buried himself six inches deep. He wanted to hear more, wanted to feel more, wanted… more.

He shifted closer, intending to slide his tongue into his small, moist mouth, intent to capture his slim wrists and feel the fine hairs on his forearms, needed to hear the soft gasps that escaped his slender, tall throat. He wanted to nuzzle the tip of his nose against his Adam's apple and feel the soft scratch of his clean shave, inhale his musky scent mixed with the freshness of lemon or lavender from the cleaning chemicals he used. Instead he smelt overwhelming amounts of roses and lilacs, heard a high-pitched moan, and felt sharp nails scratch lightly over the back of his neck. He pulled away from the woman, gasping, and suddenly feeling horrible. He wanted Levi, not this strange lady he picked up in a bar.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, then suddenly began to cry. "I can't do this. I want… I didn't know what I wanted, but now I do and… I'm so sorry."

The woman stayed leaning against Erwin's car, completely stunned. Her mouth hung open in shock and she stayed silent as she watched the handsome blonde break down into tears in front of her. "I'm… sorry." She replied, "I… I don't know what to say."

"It isn't you." Erwin gasped out, then wiped away his tears and tried to compose himself again. "It isn't you, you're a doll." He replied, "I'm just… I'm… I miss my spouse. That's all. I… I miss them like crazy."

The woman bit her lower lip, trying her hardest not to cry. Despite her silence, tears slid down her face and she nodded as well. "I miss my husband too." She whispered.

Erwin's mouth dropped open in surprise and he gave his head a shake as he tried to find the words to express himself. He had nearly ruined someone else's marriage in an attempt to get over the potential failure of his own. "God, I'm so sorry." He began, "I didn't know you were married. I-"

"My husband just got so consumed with work this year." The woman began, wiping her tears from under her eyes and looking up at Erwin with a wounded expression. "He left me home alone with three kids all day, every day, for months. All for some stupid promotion at work."

Erwin stilled completely, suddenly feeling as though the universe was sending him a major message. This woman was sobbing her eyes out to a stranger who she had let pick her up in a trashy bar and had been willing to let have his way with her all because she felt neglected by her husband and overwhelmed with their children. And somehow - despite the woman's obvious tragedy - all Erwin could focus on was the fact that she could be Levi and he could be any other man, any other blonde man that - and it was painfully obvious - might not be going through the same thing as he was and therefore might not have stopped when he did.

"Your- your husband- " He began, trying to make sense of what was happening right now.

"He got so competitive with his colleagues for this promotion, he's been working since Spring to outdo the other two men in his department. When he was home - if ever - it was all ever spoke about. He'd come home late, he'd be aggressive, he became a completely different person, all because he wanted to beat Erwin and Dot, Erwin and Dot, they were the only names he seemed to recognize. I thought he was having some kind of gay affair until he told me they were his colleagues."

Erwin felt the blood drain from his face. If the man that was this woman's husband spoke about 'Erwin and Dot' and was going for a promotion at work, then the woman who he had picked up in the bar tonight was none other than Nile Dok's wife. Erwin felt his stomach flip, realizing just how fucked up his life had become since he became obsessed with the promotion at work. "I'm- I'm Erwin." He mumbled, "I know your husband, your husband, Nile."

The woman's mouth dropped open in surprise and she stopped attempting to explain her near-infidelity. "You're… you're Erwin?" She asked, completely surprised. "You… are Erwin?" She asked. "Why are you… out picking up women in bars… if you're competing with my husband for the job?" She asked suddenly, trying to put together a question from a state of utter confusion. "How come my husband doesn't have time to be with me but you're out here?"

Erwin gave his head a shake and tried to explain. "I… My husband kicked me out… was fed up with me overworking, like you are. I thought… I thought I would try moving on to see… if our relationship was over."

"But you still love him." The woman replied, "You still love your husband."

Erwin nodded, "Wholeheartedly, yes. And I'm sure you still love Nile…" He faltered, realizing he never knew Nile's wife's name.

"Maria." She replied, smiling at him even though tears ran down her face. "Maria Dok." She reached out to take his hand.

Erwin gasped, his eyes widening. "Maria… are you Maria… Thompson? You were studying medical administration-"

"How do you… have we met before?" Maria's eyes widened, surprised that Erwin seemed to recognize her. "Yeah, yeah, I met Nile at university. Right before I graduated. He was in his last term and was applying for the firm you two work at now."

Erwin looked away, counting the dates in his head. He had begun working at the firm a term before Nile, so that would mean he had met Levi around the time that Nile and Maria began dating. "That's… " he began, "That's funny." He finally stated. He felt a tear run down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, before shaking his head and looking upwards. "I'm really sorry, about tonight, about everything Maria. I need to… I need to get home to my husband. Could I… give you a ride somewhere? Get you off the street, maybe back home?"

Maria nodded, thanking Erwin as she began to stumble back into his car. "Please," she whispered, "I think I need to have a long talk with my husband."

Erwin got back into his car and cranked up the heat. He rolled down the driver's side window to feel the cold air hit his face, then sped towards Nile's house. He dropped Maria off a block from her home, not wanting Nile to recognize his car and accuse them of anything that could of happened. As he drove past their house, passing by at a quick speed, he noticed that Nile's car wasn't parked in their driveway, as it sometimes was. Nile was still at work, and it was Christmas Eve.

Unable to resist keeping himself out of his colleague's business, Erwin hit the call function on his steering wheel and dialled Nile's cell phone number. The man answered tiredly on the fourth ring, two away from going to voice mail. "Dok." He answered, "What do you want, Smith?"

"Are you still at the office?" Erwin asked, cutting to the chase.

"Yeah, duh." Nile replied, "Why? Is there something you forgot?"

"Go home." Erwin hissed into the phone.

"Why? So you can steal the promo out from under me?" Nile replied, clearly defensive. "Like I'd fall for-"

"Nile, for fuck sake's, it's Christmas Eve! Go home to your wife and kids!" Erwin growled at him. "Trust me, you'll thank me later!"

Nile was silent for a moment, then he tried to speak. Erwin could hear him open and close his mouth on the other end of the phone. Finally, "Erwin… what's gotten into you?"

"The Christmas spirit!" Erwin replied, "Seriously, Nile. The office will be there a week from today, but your family might not be. Don't lose your family because you failed to prioritize them." With that, Erwin hung up, not letting Nile reply to him.

He turned onto his street and saw the orange glow from the living room of his own family's home. His three kids were still awake, he could see their silhouettes in the living room window. The tree was lit up and the TV appeared to be on, white light flashing from the large screen at the back of the room. Erwin pulled up into the driveway, dug the jewelry box out of the glove box, and turned the engine off in his car. He ran up the driveway and up the few porch steps, crossing the small front porch in two strides and then knocked on the door.

Inside was suddenly quiet and he could hear Levi telling the kids to stay in the living room as he approached the front door. He opened it a small amount, meaning to peak out and check who it was, when Erwin reached inside and gently pushed Levi out of the way so he could throw the door open.

"Erwin?!" Levi gasped, amazed that he had just suddenly let himself in.

Erwin threw his arms around Levi, lifting him off his feet and spinning him around. "Merry Christmas, Levi!" He greeted him, then set the smaller man down on his feet.

Levi stared at Erwin with his mouth open in shock. "Erwin, you smell of booze." He complained, "Merry Christmas."

"I… I'm done, Levi." Erwin announced, "I'm done with work. I'm… I want to come home. I don't care about the promotion anymore."

Levi's mouth remained opened and his eyes were wide with surprise. "Er-win," He stammered his name, "Do you mean-"

"Daddy's home!" Armin shouted, rushing over from behind the couch in the front room to come over to Erwin. He reached up for his father, a big grin on his little pudgy face.

Erwin scooped Armin up in his arms and hugged him close to his chest. "Yea-ah," he hugged Armin, "I'm here, daddy's here." He whispered, then turned his attention to Mikasa and Eren as they approached him for a hug too. "What do you say, Levi?" Erwin asked, turning to face him. "Will you let me come home?" He asked.

Levi gazed at his kids and then at Erwin, immediately feeling bad that Erwin had asked for his permission in front of the kids. Erwin set Armin down on his feet, immediately understanding that Levi felt as though Erwin was using the kids as leverage to get back in on Christmas, but then he stayed down on one knee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the jewelry box, lifting the lid and holding the ring out for Levi to see.

"It's a promise ring, Levi." He explained, "I know we're already married, but I want to promise you that… I'm done with work and the promotion and everything else. Nothing else is more important to me in the entire world than my family."

Levi's eyes filled with tears and he covered his mouth with his hands so Erwin could see his smile. Mikasa began to cry and Armin hugged Eren and began to chew on the corner of his blanket. Levi only nodded.

Erwin rose to his feet and put the ring on Levi's finger, before he wrapped his arms around Levi, lifted him up and kissed him passionately on the lips.

Eren stuck his tongue out and made a 'gross' comment, but Mikasa and Armin cheered. Erwin kicked the front door closed behind himself and the family gathered in the living room afterwards, content to have hot chocolate and cookies before heading to bed.

Erwin was true to his word about being done with work. He helped the kids put out cookies and milk for Santa, and carrots for the reindeer, and then helped them get ready for bed. He tucked them in and read them Clement Moore's The Night Before Christmas, then wished them all sweet dreams and closed their room doors. As Levi put the presents under the tree for the kids, Erwin ate the cookies and drank all the milk, before he called Mike to let him know he was back home with his family.

"Where you belong." Mike replied, a relieved laugh in his voice. "I'm so glad to hear that Erwin."

"Thanks Mike. And really, I know you did give me some really shitty advice, but it did help. And it got me back on track."

"Well, what are friends for?" Mike replied, "Merry Christmas Erwin."

"Merry Chrismast Mike."

Erwin came up to bed to find Levi getting ready for bed. He chuckled and then recalled the blonde man, and once the thought entered his head, it was as he had predicted and the questions came tumbling out.

"Who was that blonde guy that came home with you?" He asked, pulling down the sheets to his own bed, excited to finally get to hold his husband once more as he slept.

"Who?" Levi asked, "When?"

"This blonde guy, slick black car, navy blue suit. About two weeks ago?"

"Flagon?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. "About two weeks ago, you say?"

"Yeah. Looked like you two had a pretty fancy night." Erwin replied, "You were wearing your baby-grey suit."

"Oh! Right, that!" Levi replied, understanding on his face. "Wait, did you think that was a date?" He asked, beginning to laugh.

Erwin blushed. "Well, what was it then?" He asked, feeling stupid for jumping to conclusions. "I drove by meaning to give you that ring, but…"

"Then you saw him driving me home." Levi finished. He laughed again and crawled into bed so Erwin followed his lead and turned off the lamp beside their bed. Levi gazed into Erwin's eyes in the semi-darkness of their bedroom. "That was our office Christmas party." Levi replied, "Flagon offered to drive me home because I had a few too many. I took an Uber there and had Isabella watch the kids."

Erwin began to laughed at how stupid he was. He had completely forgotten that Levi's dental office would have a Christmas party, especially since in their many years of marriage he had never attended a single one since he often stayed home to look after their kids.

"I… feel very foolish now." He replied with a laugh. He was suddenly washed with relieve that he had never taken things any further with Maria than a few drunken kisses. "But you kissed him." He began, "I saw you two kiss."

"I was drunk and Flagon has a thing for me." Levi replied, "But I promise you, I haven't seen him outside of work since. And honestly Erwin, I'm not interested in dentists. I have eyes only for you."

Erwin blushed, feeling much better. He wrapped his arms around Levi and hugged him close, enjoying how the smaller man fit into his arms and nestled against his chest. "Hey Levi," he began, then kissed his temple. The smaller man made a soft noise of interest as he closed his eyes and smiled in Erwin's arms, ready to fall asleep. "Do you think maybe… we should adopt just one more?" Erwin asked, earning only a playful giggle as Levi's reply.

 

* * *

 

Christmas morning in the Ackerman-Smith house was welcomed by a loud chorus of children knocking on their parents' bedroom door, calling out for them to come downstairs to see the tree and presents. Erwin and Levi got up and pulled on their house-robes, opening the door and greeting their children with hugs and kisses. Eren led the way down the stairs and Erwin and Levi followed, both carrying one of their younger children. The tree was loaded with presents, wrapped in an assortment of bright paper with shiny ribbons and bows. Levi and Erwin set Mikasa and Armin down, letting them race to the tree to begin finding their gifts.

"Look, the cookies are gone!" Armin exclaimed.

"And the milk too!" Mikasa added.

"Must've been Santa." Eren replied, "Look, he's left us gifts!" He handed one to Armin, proposing that the youngest would start.

As the kids began to open their gifts, Erwin wrapped an arm around his husband and kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Levi." He whispered, "Merry Christmas."

Levi blushed and stretched up on his tiptoes to catch Erwin's kiss on his lips, "I love you too, Erwin." He whispered. Then kissed him again.

Erwin smiled, but his smile dropped as a navy vehicle pulled up outside their home. He left Levi side to open the front door, heading to meet the driver of the vehicle before he got a chance to speak too loudly in front of his family.

"Nile!" Erwin greeted him, partly as a warning.

"Come here you, son-of-a-nutcracker." Nile growled, stepping up to Erwin and then wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug. "Thank you!" He whispered into his ear.

Erwin hadn't been expecting the thanks from Nile, a little confused as to why he had come all this way to thank him.

"She was going to give me divorce papers for Christmas." Nile explained in a low voice, "But you tipped me off, got me home in time. You're right, Erwin. You're right. The promo isn't worth losing my family over."

Erwin glanced at Nile's car and caught sight of Maria inside. He raised a hand and politely waved at her, noting the three kids in the backseat. Then he turned his attention back to Nile. "Man, I'm glad you got home when you did."

"I am too! Really, I owe you one! How did you know?!" Nile asked, clearly genuinely grateful.

Erwin turned back to the doorway to catch sight of Levi gazing out at him and Nile, watching with an expression of concern as he ran his fingers through Eren's short brown hair. "Let's just say I was in a similar situation, Nile. I had a feeling that you might've been in the same trouble I found myself in. Just… don't want to see a good family hurt because of some corporate issues."

Nile nodded, "Thank you." He repeated. He turned to Levi and waved. "Hi, uh, Mr. Smith. Nothing about work here, just wishing Erwin a very Merry Christmas." He explained.

Levi nodded and smiled, glad to hear that work hadn't caught up to Erwin and impeded on their family day at home.

A black Cadillac pulled up in front of Erwin's home then, a newer vehicle that was slick and luxurious. Erwin and Nile gazed at it in confusion, then watched as the backdoor opened and Darius Zackly, their head boss, and Dot Pixis, their other competition, stepped out.

"Morning gentlemen." Zackly spoke to them in a loud, clear voice. "Dok, I didn't intend to find you here."

"Neither did I, sir." Nile replied.

"To what do we owe the visit?" Erwin asked, surprised to find his office had decided to have a meeting on his front lawn.

"I've reached a decision regarding the promotion." Zackly concluded. "And I think you're the best man for the job, Erwin. I want you to take over Keith's position of Commander-Of-Office."

Erwin exhaled, his breath a foggy cloud in the cool morning air. He huffed because he didn't know what to do or how to feel, no longer wanting the promotion. He turned to gaze at Levi and saw his face cross with worry once more, then he gazed at Eren, his eldest son. He turned to glance at Nile, then Maria through the windshield, then finally back at Zackly.

"I'm sorry, sir." He replied, "But I don't want the promotion."

All around him, eyes widened, jaws, fell, and silence descended.

"You… don't want… the promotion?" Zackly repeated, clearly surprised.

"No, sir." Erwin replied.

"But you put in all the work for it." Zackly pushed. "You spent months proving that you were the man for the job."

"I know. I did. But, I thought long and hard about it, and I don't want the position if it's going to keep me working those hours and missing out on… on what's important in my life, sir. With all due respect, I'm a husband, and father, first and foremost. My duty is here, at home." He turned and walked back onto his porch to pick up Eren and hold him close to his chest, standing beside his husband, Levi. "The only commander I need to be is the commander of my family. So, I respectfully decline the job, sir. I would be happy continuing in my current position."

Zackly looked as though he had been slapped. He turned to Nile, his mouth opening and closing several times before he began to speak again. "D-Dok?" He asked, "Would you… be interested?"

Nile turned to face his car, then Erwin, and finally Zackly again. "No, sir. I agree with Erwin, sir. I have to be there for my family, otherwise, what am I working for?"

Zackly turned his attention to the last man available. "Pixis?" He asked, "Would you-"

"I might be a boozer with no wife." Pixis began, "But I have a granddaughter that was just born, and kids of my own." He replied, "And I should be there with them this Christmas, not here at work. Sir."

Zackly turned to Pixis and then back to the three men. "Work load is the problem, is it?" He asked, understanding dawning on him. "Well then. I'll tell you what. How about I adjust the balance, give you all a raise, and have you divide the workload between the three of you? Would you all be interested in the position of Commander then?" Zackly asked.

Erwin turned to Nile and Pixis and the three of them turned back to face Zackly.

"Regular hours?" Erwin asked.

"No evenings and weekends?" Nile asked.

"Our own office spaces?" Pixis added.

"Done, done, and done." Zackly replied. "Just… please, I can't hire Keith back again. The job damn near killed him, twice."

"Then maybe that should have been a good indication that the job isn't worth it." Levi stated, coming forwards to wrap an arm around his husband's waist. "

"That's true." Zackly replied, noting Levi's bravery to stepping up to his husband's boss. "And, I do apologize, to you, and all of your families. I never meant for the work load to become so… such a problem."

"It's alright." Erwin replied, "If we can find a way to balance the job between the three of us, then I'll be glad to do what I can for the corporation."

As Zackly nodded and Dot climbed back into the Cadillac, Erwin turned to face Nile and nodded at him. "Merry Christmas." He smiled at him, glad that they could finally agree on something.

"And to you." Nile replied, then turned and headed back to his car. "We're heading out to see Maria's family." He explained, "I figured, I just stop by to say… well, thanks."

Erwin smiled, nodded, and raise one hand in a departing wave. He ushered Eren and his other children back inside, then paused to hold Levi's waist, keeping him from following their kids inside. "Hold on, my lovely." Erwin whispered in his ear, "Looks like our Christmas angels have spiked the door with some mistletoe."

From somewhere inside their home they could hear the faint laughter of Mikasa and Armin, followed by the word 'gross' from Eren. Erwin chuckled and Levi turned in his arms to face him, raising his chin so that his husband could press their lips together in a sweet, Christmas kiss.

 

~ The End. ~


End file.
